You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
I lost my patience yesterday…
Kayden and Michael were acting like they were, well, 5 and 3 (go figure)… After my morning of rounds through the house, they wrestled with a bottle of lemon ginger soda (sprite), the boys lost… Doogie the dog won, and I was left with a dog prancing sticky foot prints all throughout the house…
The couch was the first target, next came the patio, then the bedroom, my bed, the boys room, and finally the bathroom…. Footprints everywhere…. And after he hit the patio, he was not only tracking soda, but dirt too… Yuck….
If you know me well… You know I LOVE a clean home… I am not certain if it stems from my upbringing, or if I am just an obsessively clean person, but dirt and sticky make my skin crawl… literally….
As the fumes surfaced and fire came from my mouth… I saw Kayden get small… His beautiful blue eyes got big; I could hear his heart break….
Kayden is tender…. The type of child that really only needs a strict word of disappointment to put him on the right track… He is gentle…. He is pure… He was the brunt of my anger…
“What in the world are you thinking? Get a towel… No, Kayden….. A dry towel… first you need to clean up the mess… then we clean up the floor…. Faster Kayden… Doogie is playing in it now…. KAYDEN SCOTT, do you see my face… The dog playing in this mess is NOT funny…. Move your tail!”
By the time he made it to me… He was so disappointed in himself… With every demand to move… every demand to pick up…. Every demand…. He politely answered, with his head down...
“Yes, Ma’am”
His heart was so broken… As the tears welled in his eyes, I realized how I had overreacted…
No, they shouldn’t have been playing with their drink…. No he shouldn’t have lolly-gagged around in the process of pick-up...
My list of should haves grew…… I should have remembered that he is only 5; I should have been calm and rational in my punishment… I should have rebuked with love……
I often think to myself “Why are they not getting this… I have told them 20 times!” I often forget about my own sinful desires… I forget my own mistakes… The things that I did… fully knowing in my heart that they were not right….. Things my parents told me more than 20 times… I have to remind myself that my kids are not saved; they don’t have the light of God living inside them… They are battling with their flesh…. The sinful desire that makes them want to wrestle with a soda knowing full well that it probably isn’t a good idea… Until God lives in them, the light that they see will be through me… through Mike…… through the love of God that they see at church, and through friends who love the Lord… I pray that my light will shine brightly enough for them to follow the path to salvation…
Yesterday, my light was dim…
Thankfully I have a forgiving son and a forgiving Father!
